Rather Funny
Author: Chris Brammeier
This is another of them facebook groups that I keep finding this especially for the people of TSR who read this and go to uni
I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was good.
II- Thou Shalt Get Ill All the Time
Now God said to Student, you must be ill all of the time. And student said why. And God said unto him, you shall share drinks, stay up too late, drink too much and hook up with people you don't know. Therefore, God said, you shall be ill all year round. But God said, blessed are the sick for they have partied the hardest. And it was good.
III- Thou Shalt Acquire A Nickname
And Student asked of his name, for he had heard that names often change at university. And God said unto him, you shall acquire a nickname and that is what people will know you as forever. Some may even forgot your real name, God added. And student asked if he could choose the name he was to be known by. And God laughed a mighty laugh and said to Student, he who attempts to pick his own nickname shall be called Assknuckle! And Student understood his wisdom and determined to accept whichever nickname he was given.
IV- Thou Shalt Wear a Hoodie
And then Student asked God, God how do I look like a university student. And God said unto student, you must wear a hoodie, for it is a useful garment. And you shall never wash it either. Student asked God, "What kind of Hoodie should it be?" And God said, "You shall own many of varying colours and creeds." And Student was pleased and God was pleased.
V- Thou Shalt Embarrass Yourself Online
And next student asked God of technology and how one should conduct himself online. And God said to student, thou shalt embarrass yourself online. And student was confused but God explained it to him. Said God, you will log into facebook drunk and write embarrassing things on your friends profiles. You will message people you are attracted to and then completely forget you have done so. You will post pictures of yourself that will someday be the reason you cannot find a job. And student began to weep so God took a video of this and put it on youtube.
VI- Thou Shalt Order Many Takeaways
Student asked unto God if there were any need for takeaways given the numerous recipe books he had already acquired, but God said to him, "You shall order many a takeaway, but you are poor, with little money and shall eat 8p value noodles instead of using said books." Student ordered takeaway and ate 8p value noodles and it was good.
VII- Thou Shalt Hook Up
Student then asked of sex. And God said, Student, you shall hook up and be happy. You shall go home with random people every weekend, do the walk of shame and forget about them the next day. You shall see them at uni and be awkward amongst their company. You shall exchange saliva at clubs and parties and it will be good. And Student became gleeful and said 'giggity, giggity' and it was good.
VIII- Thou Shalt Join a Club and Never Go to Meetings
Student inquired of his spare time and God reminded him that he should be napping. But Student said he wanted to do other things. So God said unto him, you shall join a club at the beginning of the semester, but then never go to meetings. And Student asked why he should not go to meetings, and God told him, because the glee club is gay. And Student understood His wisdom.
IX- Thou Shalt Wake Up Confused
God said to Student, there will come many a day when you shall wake up in the bed of another and not know where you are. You will not remember what you did last night and you shall be confused. You will see that you have nipple rings and a tattoo now and are covered in marker pen. And Student was disturbed by this, but God said, you shall tell great stories about it to your friends someday. And Student understood and God took a sip of a beer.
And God gave Student the final Commandment
X- Thou Shalt Gain Weight
And Student wished to hear the final commandment and God said he would not like it. But Student insisted, so God said unto him, you shall gain weight. However, God said, you will not buy new clothes, so you will wear sweat pants a lot. God said, Student, you will watch a lot of TV and become fat to which Student wept profusely. But God comforted Student saying, you will still hook up even if you cannot tie your shoes anymore for many will be like you and that is good. The student felt better and God pointed to Students chest saying, those will soon be bitch tits.
THIS IS THE WORD OF GOD!
